moiread: (wtf • alicia w.)
Chelle: Holy shit. The maintenance tunnels under the city are full of little aliens crawling around on all fours like fleshy babies with MOUTHS FULL OF JAGGED TEETH INSTEAD OF FACES!
Chelle: And then there are bigger ones with eggplant heads split open to reveal their giant throbbing purple brains. DEAR GOD THIS PLACE IS CREEPY.
Kevin: Uhhhhhhh. Chelle?
Kevin: Maybe you should, um, lay off the egg rolls for awhile, okay?
Chelle: Oh shut up.
moiread: (chin in hand • kate h.)
A sampling of subject lines from my e-mail inbox, presented without context:

theories of travel redux
Found it (prostate)
Ancient chinese secret to grow hair...
I'm not dead!
I've got a thing for you
Beard, Revisited
Hello, Operator
Photos of the maid
shit here on this map
Involuntary Dracopuncture
Naptime for Van Helsing
We are immortal now
moiread: (zomg! • kate m.)
Ahahahaha omg I just singed all the hair on one side of my face.

Yes, I'm fine. Yes, it involved a lot of alcohol and a lot more fire. Yes, I set off the smoke alarm. Yes, I was doing this at 6:30am. No, it was not mad science, I swear. No, I don't look like a freakshow. Yes, I spent ten minutes in front of the bathroom mirror, rubbing off burnt hair with my fingers and laughing my ass off.

And yes, of course, what I was making turned out absolutely delicious. What do you take me for?
moiread: (shrug! :) • zooey d.)
"I'll just throw some glitter on my tits and it'll be fine."
moiread: (facepalm! • julia s.)
"Get that rice out of your crotch!"
moiread: (eyebrow • julia s.)
"If I could burn cities to the ground, I would be a much happier person. Wiping entire cities off the face of the map would make my life so much easier, you have no idea."
moiread: (giggle • kristin k.)
"Do you want your computer back?"
"No, it's okay. I have to be the rutabaga."
"The mystical rutabaga?"
moiread: (uterus = factory • XKCD.)
"Look! Sperm!"
"No thank you."
"No, no! Really! Look! Sperm!"
"I've seen them before. Really."
"...But they're BLUE!"
"Wait, what?"
moiread: (eyebrow • emilie d.)
"Would you just STICK IT IN THERE, already?"
"Look, I'm trying, but you keep moving!"
"Just shove it in hard and squirt!"
moiread: (squinty • emilie d.)
"It was like an entire forest of pine trees took a shit in my mouth."
moiread: (facepalm • famke j.)
"I hope you weren't trying to make a condom joke, because then I'll just start thinking about wearing a condom as a hat and all the fun will die a sad death right there."


Mar. 26th, 2009 09:37 pm
moiread: (the gube • CRIMINAL MINDS)
"Jesus christ, this is worse than unwrapping a condom!"
"And a lot less fun."
moiread: (hmm! • scarlett j.)
Sheena ([ profile] lovedbythesun): "If Rose tells you a story about me and the suggestion of microwaving a jar of cum, I'd like to state for the record that she baited me."
moiread: (it's a funny story • camilla b.)
Rose ([ profile] unintendedmuse): "My mouth fits almost perfectly in her ribcage!"
moiread: (innocent! • bonnie w.)
It seems like such a shame to buy up all these gorgeous little antique lockets, complete with beads and charms and bits of things on the chain, only to take a drill to the back of them and put like ten holes in there.


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