moiread: (bedmonster • alicia w.)

Chelle: I would love to hang out and play SW with you guys but I have the dead.
Chelle: I think I just need to go to sleep. Do not pass go, do not collect $200, etc.
Kevin: Sleep well!
Chelle: I am sad to not have the energy for my friends/hobbies this past week.
Chelle: Waaaaah my life is hard.
Kevin: *patpat*
Kevin: It's not as if you're still recovering from four weeks of constant pain or something.
Chelle: You and your logic.
Chelle: Honestly.
Chelle: What is that shit.
Kevin: I don't know.
Kevin: I suspect your relentless sensibleness may actually be rubbing off on me.
Chelle: There are worse fates.
Kevin: I don't know.
Kevin: Anything of yours rubbing on me is pretty terrible.
Kevin: Lord knows what I'd catch.
Chelle: See, there now, you've gone and ruined a perfectly good friendship moment.
Chelle: Clearly you are still thoroughly yourself.

I'm sure I will become an interesting human being again... soon. Yes.

In the meantime, have a giggle while you wait:

moiread: (GLEE • antidepressants.)
I guess I should update. It's at the point now where people have been sending me emails asking for proof of life and besides, it's something to do.

I had a triple infection before Christmas -- ear, sinus, lungs -- that turned into bronchitis and then pneumonia due to multiple doctors not taking me seriously. I seem to finally be infection-free as of last week (yes, really, it dragged on that long) but in other ways I'm still recovering. I have been unable to work or DJ or be social (even on Skype or similar, because of the holycraplungrestriction), so I've been playing a lot of Star Wars: The Old Republic. And writing, when I have the energy, which is something I haven't done in years. I suck less than I expected for being so out of practice, which was a wonderful surprise but is somehow also psyching me out. Part of me is afraid it's a fluke and that if I continue, I will start writing more accurately (as in worse) and be a failure. Because my brain is stupid. (We already knew this. I have the diagnoses to prove it!)

Of course, my recovery from sad 18th century convalescence is just in time for hormone-laden IUD attempt #3, which some of you may remember is the reason why I've been on crazy chemically-induced menopause for the last four months. After today, if all goes well, we continue the menopause for two months to give the IUD time to settle and then take me off the drugs and see what happens.

The IUD procedure is in a little less than four hours. I should be asleep, and I had been sleeping, but they gave me some drugs to take the night before and HOLY FUCK I AM IN PAIN NOW because of them. Whatever this "softening the cervix" is, it's excruciating, and it woke me up. Hard. Apparently these are the same drugs used as abortifacients early on in pregnancy and as an alternate labor-inducer later on, but I don't have contractions, just screaming cervical pain. I have been lying here in bed crying for the last hour, and we all know I have wicked pain tolerance so that should give you some idea. I managed to hobble around the apartment trying to find my emergency Oxy stash but I think I'm out. What swell fucking timing.

I wish I still had some pot and a working vaporizer. Right now I am willing to chance the seizure risk (if there even is one, since that neurologist has turned out to be pretty whack) just for some pain relief and some sleep.

Times like these, I wish I wasn't single. I am always the one taking care of everybody else, and just once I would like to be the one receiving pot scones for procedure pain instead of making them.

Maybe that can be my new benchmark for possible partners: Would you get out of bed at 4am to drive to my dealer and then come home and help me get high? If so, apply within. Include resume. Must like foreign cuisine, terrible/awesome sci-fi movies, and loud rambunctious sex.

God it hurts. I don't even want this. I'm only doing it because it's one more thing I can say I tried, and if it does happen to work, well, okay then. It will be useful. Not as useful as actually solving the problem, but good enough that I can live with it. I don't expect it to work, though, and frankly I find it cruel to ask me to go through this much pain and nonsense over and over with new inventive variations.

But what do I know? I'm just a stupid baby machine too young and naive to have grasped my real true purpose as a woman. Asking the medical community to please make my pain stop is just me being short-sighted! This will all be worth it later when I start popping out sprogs, I'm sure.

Not that I'm bitter or anything. I'm allowed a bit of melodrama right now.

I wish I could just say I've had enough and hit a stop button. Not in a suicide way, but just in a fed up with this stupid shit kind of way. I have developed as much strength of character as I need. These lessons have been very thorough. You can turn it off now. We're good. I promise.

Okay, I seem to have found a position that doesn't hurt as much. It's kind of a weird hunched-over one, which doesn't make sense to me anatomically, but I am not going to disbelieve so hard I pass it up. If I prop myself up with enough pillows, I can probably get some more sleep, and bad sleep is arguably better than no sleep at all.

I'm sorry my life is so depressing lately. But honestly, I put it here so that I don't have to keep dregging it up in my regular one-on-one social interactions. It lets me keep those more normal. It seems to work out. But I will try to post about things that are more awesome/funny/interesting soon.

PS: If you ever find the stop button, let me know.

Posted via LiveJournal app for Android.
moiread: (Default)
My crazier, more heavy-duty EEG is scheduled for 9am this morning, and they wanted me sleep deprived for it, so I was told I wasn't allowed to sleep after 5:30pm yesterday. I don't think they know that I routinely do 4am or 5am bedtimes, and have been doing so all week, which would put me at only 4-5 hours past my usual bedtime. Oh well. If it's a problem, they'll tell me.

To stay awake, I've gone grocery shopping, cooked, and cleaned. In an hour, I'll go hop in the shower and make myself presentable. My ride gets here at "a little after 8", because she wanted to be sure we'd have time, even though I don't think traffic will be an hour's worth of crazy. But oh well. Better safe than sorry!

I figured that, since I was awake anyway at 5:30am, I'd go eat out in my garden. "Breakfast" was a bowl of local cherries with slices of fresh baguette from the bakery at my local grocery. I mixed up a small amount of really good-quality olive oil with some lovely Italian balsamic vinegar (the last of my good stuff, in fact) for dipping the bread in, and just had lemon water to drink so I'd stay super hydrated.

It was delicious. Cherries + balsamic vinegar + fresh baguette (super soft on the inside, crusty on the outside!) = love.

Photos of breakfast. )

(Cross-posted to my Google Plus account while I'm trying out that service.)
moiread: (GLEE • antidepressants.)
So last night my poor old dying computer began making this deep WHUUUUUN ... WHUUUUUUN ... WHUUUUUN noise, different from the dying fan noise it usually makes. (The usual fan noise is on a faster cycle and not as deep. When it happens, I just smack my case lightly next to where I know the fan is and it stops for a day or so.)

I couldn't make it stop! It kept me awake. I tried turning my computer off but then the complete lack of any white noise at all became A DEAFENING SILENCE that also kept me awake. And then my neighbours started arguing. (My headboard is right against the shared wall.) And then they went to bed and started that explosive snoring again.

If I'd been less horribly sleep deprived, I would have thought to download my RainyMood mp3 to my new phone and plug my phone into my speakers and leave that running all night, but I wasn't capable at the time. Instead I'll do that tonight, and in the meantime I've had about 3 hours of sleep. (I thought it was 4, but then I remembered my mom called and woke me up an hour before my alarm, which was just enough time that I couldn't get back to sleep. ;_;)

All I can say is thank goodness I'm getting a new computer soon. (And I have a big post to make about that when it happens. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.)

Posted via LjBeetle
moiread: (heh • kristen s.)
It's my birthday! I'm 25 now. Or at least I think I am. That is the right number, isn't it? I think it is. (This shows you how much attention I pay to these things.) Right, yes, 25 is the right number. I did the math. All of a sudden, I'm beginning to get that creeping feeling of not having actually done anything traditionally successful with my life. All of you who are older than 25 can feel free to laugh at me now. ;)

This year I have decided to put up a PayPal donation button. I know many of you have wanted to do some sort of gift for me in previous years like LJ time or Skype minutes, so I thought this might be a good option to give you. If you want to do something for my birthday but don't know what to go with, or want to do something small but don't want to spend just as much on shipping as you did on the gift, or if you were planning to do LJ time/Skype minutes and don't mind being redirected to this instead (especially since I have a permanent account now and can't use LJ time anymore), I invite you to click on it and contribute to the Chelle's Really Expensive Tattoo Fund. I've got two half-sleeves and most of a back piece that I've wanted to get done for YEARS, and if you'd like, I can tell you about them. Just not tonight, because I am le tired. But it's going to cost a pretty penny to have the artwork designed, and then a lot more pennies to get the actual inking done, so I am not averse to birthday donations. (Don't feel obligated to click. Only do it if you were already looking for something birthday-shaped to do and this seems like a good idea to you, okay? Nobody is getting strong-armed, here.)

So anyway. A very merry my birthday to you. May you have at least one excellent adventure today. Or, if adventures aren't your cup of tea, then I hope you do things that make you happy. I love and adore you all.


moiread: (Default)

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