moiread: (GOSSIP GIRL • bffls.)
Whoever had 20 days in the betting pool, you win. Didn't even need an ER trip this time. Apparently I'm just good at it now.

BB ([ profile] endeers) thinks I should name it 'little Fuckyou' and throw a baby shower with cake and presents. I admit I am not opposed to celebratory cake.

And on that note, I am going to go genuinely cry with relief. I have been in an incredible amount of pain every day and I am so happy this is over.
moiread: (hugz • sarah s.)
Well. That was a thing. It's done now and I'm not dead and that's about all I can say to recommend it.

From now on I should really trust my own instincts on what pain drugs to take before procedures instead of going with what the doctors recommend, because god damn it was not enough. Though I shouldn't ever have cause to Plan Better Next Time ever again, at least not for this particular procedure, because this is the last time I am ever doing this. If it fails, I am done. I am just done. That is what I kept saying the whole way to the hospital and home again, and to anyone who would listen. I am done.

This bit gets a little crass and graphic. )

Though actually, to be fair, the bedside manner at the women's clinic at the Riverside is quite wonderful, generally speaking. It is exactly what you would want at any other time.

My good things for today are:

1) There was a local beekeeper selling his honey in the lobby of the hospital, so I got to talk about honey and beekeeping with him while I waited for my ride to come. He was a lovely old man who has been running his bee farm for most of his adult life and he seemed really delighted to talk about it with someone who knew a little bit and was curious to know more. He had my two favourite honeys (clover and cinnamon-infused), so I bought a jar of each off him, along with some flavoured honey sticks that reminded me of Farthing Party in Montreal and walking through the MJT with Tim.

2) When I got home, I found a parcel waiting for me from my friend Harry. Inside were some really lovely red long-stemmed paper roses made from recycled processed elephant dung, because my friends are awesome and they know what will tickle me. Even though laughing hurts right now, I needed a laugh, and I got it, and it was worth it. The timing was pure wonderful kismet. Bless.

Going to take some more drugs and try to nap.
moiread: (GLEE • antidepressants.)
I guess I should update. It's at the point now where people have been sending me emails asking for proof of life and besides, it's something to do.

I had a triple infection before Christmas -- ear, sinus, lungs -- that turned into bronchitis and then pneumonia due to multiple doctors not taking me seriously. I seem to finally be infection-free as of last week (yes, really, it dragged on that long) but in other ways I'm still recovering. I have been unable to work or DJ or be social (even on Skype or similar, because of the holycraplungrestriction), so I've been playing a lot of Star Wars: The Old Republic. And writing, when I have the energy, which is something I haven't done in years. I suck less than I expected for being so out of practice, which was a wonderful surprise but is somehow also psyching me out. Part of me is afraid it's a fluke and that if I continue, I will start writing more accurately (as in worse) and be a failure. Because my brain is stupid. (We already knew this. I have the diagnoses to prove it!)

Of course, my recovery from sad 18th century convalescence is just in time for hormone-laden IUD attempt #3, which some of you may remember is the reason why I've been on crazy chemically-induced menopause for the last four months. After today, if all goes well, we continue the menopause for two months to give the IUD time to settle and then take me off the drugs and see what happens.

The IUD procedure is in a little less than four hours. I should be asleep, and I had been sleeping, but they gave me some drugs to take the night before and HOLY FUCK I AM IN PAIN NOW because of them. Whatever this "softening the cervix" is, it's excruciating, and it woke me up. Hard. Apparently these are the same drugs used as abortifacients early on in pregnancy and as an alternate labor-inducer later on, but I don't have contractions, just screaming cervical pain. I have been lying here in bed crying for the last hour, and we all know I have wicked pain tolerance so that should give you some idea. I managed to hobble around the apartment trying to find my emergency Oxy stash but I think I'm out. What swell fucking timing.

I wish I still had some pot and a working vaporizer. Right now I am willing to chance the seizure risk (if there even is one, since that neurologist has turned out to be pretty whack) just for some pain relief and some sleep.

Times like these, I wish I wasn't single. I am always the one taking care of everybody else, and just once I would like to be the one receiving pot scones for procedure pain instead of making them.

Maybe that can be my new benchmark for possible partners: Would you get out of bed at 4am to drive to my dealer and then come home and help me get high? If so, apply within. Include resume. Must like foreign cuisine, terrible/awesome sci-fi movies, and loud rambunctious sex.

God it hurts. I don't even want this. I'm only doing it because it's one more thing I can say I tried, and if it does happen to work, well, okay then. It will be useful. Not as useful as actually solving the problem, but good enough that I can live with it. I don't expect it to work, though, and frankly I find it cruel to ask me to go through this much pain and nonsense over and over with new inventive variations.

But what do I know? I'm just a stupid baby machine too young and naive to have grasped my real true purpose as a woman. Asking the medical community to please make my pain stop is just me being short-sighted! This will all be worth it later when I start popping out sprogs, I'm sure.

Not that I'm bitter or anything. I'm allowed a bit of melodrama right now.

I wish I could just say I've had enough and hit a stop button. Not in a suicide way, but just in a fed up with this stupid shit kind of way. I have developed as much strength of character as I need. These lessons have been very thorough. You can turn it off now. We're good. I promise.

Okay, I seem to have found a position that doesn't hurt as much. It's kind of a weird hunched-over one, which doesn't make sense to me anatomically, but I am not going to disbelieve so hard I pass it up. If I prop myself up with enough pillows, I can probably get some more sleep, and bad sleep is arguably better than no sleep at all.

I'm sorry my life is so depressing lately. But honestly, I put it here so that I don't have to keep dregging it up in my regular one-on-one social interactions. It lets me keep those more normal. It seems to work out. But I will try to post about things that are more awesome/funny/interesting soon.

PS: If you ever find the stop button, let me know.

Posted via LiveJournal app for Android.
moiread: (calm • kate h.)
Back home from the ER now, minus one small piece of (incredibly problematic) plastic. After a month of bleeding and several weeks of pain, frankly I'm glad to be rid of it.

It was funny, though. The triage doctor came in and started trying to explain to me how IUDs work and what was happening and this is cut for the mention of TMI things that might make some people twitch. ) Those were the problem issues last time, so I tried to deal with them in advance this time, and sure enough it was a good idea because he was like WHERE IS THIS CRAZY THING. Score a point for me!

Dunno what we're going to do now, though, gynecology-wise. We might try a third time just for good measure but I doubt it. Guess I'll have to talk options with my gyno at the follow-up appointment and see what she says. At the very least, my requests for a more permanent surgical solution might have more weight now? Silver lining, silver lining!

Mostly I'm just thrilled to be in a lot less pain now than I have been for the last 48 hours, and I'm looking forward to feeling all better (for me, anyway) over the next few days. THAT WILL BE SO NICE, OMG, because the last few weeks have been just TERRIBLE. So once I've taken some more ibuprofen and had some caffeine, I'm going to go put on some music and bake banana bread with the last of my flour to celebrate. To put in chocolate chips or not to put in chocolate chips? THAT IS THE DILEMMA.
moiread: (comfortable • emilie d.)
Last night I dreamt that I had an earworm. Only not the song kind -- the actual worm kind. I had to pull half of it out through my ear canal, but then it snapped and I somehow got the rest out through an incision in my neck right behind the ear. Which doesn't make anatomical sense, but then again neither does having a parasitic worm that can be pulled out through the ear canal. Such is the way of dreams. I think my ear was simply itchy in the middle of the night.

Just to tell you what kind of person I am, though, when I woke up I spent an hour perusing the internet looking up all the different species of parasitic worms that go for humans and learning about them. Turns out some varieties of nematodes actually reproduce through androdioecy, which is just freaking cool. Do you have any idea how rare that is?!

(This is why, when people ask me why I know things like how helicopters stay in the air or maneuver through it, all I can say is that I read.)

In other news, I've been pain-free since sometime around 2am. Or at least that's when I woke up to go pee and noticed it. We're going on nine hours without pain now, presumably, and though I'm not sure why the cessation was so sudden, I'm hoping it continues. Knock on wood! If I'm still feeling this good in an hour or two, I'm going down to the Museum of Civilizations to see Mummies: Secrets of the Pharaohs on IMAX. It won't tell me anything I don't already know, but gosh will it be pretty.

PS: Today I bought a Gazelle exercise machine for $20 from my parents' neighbour. It even folds up for putting it away! Hopefully this will give me a way to do the equivalent of daily jogging without doing more damage to my already fucked up knees. \o/
moiread: (this again • maria m.)
Had to come home from Rose's early tonight instead of sleeping over. I am not doing very well over here, health-wise. It's not the IUD, though, mostly. There's still some cramping from that, but I'm managing it with meds; instead, it's the usual nausea/dizziness/gut-pain combo that tends to leave me thinking I'm about two minutes from hitting the floor at any given moment. And also tends to make me throw up. And hurts. It sucks. So I came home, because if I'm going to be in a bad way, I'd rather do it here.

Boo hiss. I still want to go over tomorrow to do brunch and hangouts, though. We did ESD and coffee today, as well as seeing Julie off. It was very sad. NOW I ONLY HAVE ONE VISITOR LEFT. I must cherish her until she too leaves me. :(
moiread: (work • wastebasket.)
  • 06:40 - Why am I awake? This is not okay. Going to try to sleep some more. #
  • 07:42 - Yeah, okay. Not happening. Guess I'm up. Time to throw together some breakfast and then clean. #
  • 10:36 - Blew the breakers for this end of the apt. Didn't know it was all on one switch! A/C + computer + routers + cable box + vacuum = BAD! D: #
  • 10:42 - Damn breaker switches aren't labelled. Had to find the right one by wiggling, see which one was loose. Flipped it. Have power again! #
  • 14:49 - Still bleeding, still hurting, still cleaning. Skip news at 11. #
  • 16:23 - I have somehow managed to get a mosquito bite right on the center of my lower lip. I have NO IDEA how, but it's ITCHY and SWELLING. >_O #
  • 19:36 - SHIT. Dropped a glass and it shattered. Now I have tiny shards all over my bedroom floor. I DESPERATELY hope the vacuum gets it all. D: #
  • 20:05 - Good god but my feet hurt. *wince* #
  • 21:14 - Light-headed, nauseated, and feet hurt so much I don't even want to stand on them. Think it's time I called it quits for today. #
  • 21:41 - Parents came past with a futon couch frame but it doesn't have the nuts and bolts to fold up. What the hell good is that? >_O #
  • 22:02 - Watching the Carnivale pilot with Nat and Lis. It's SO FREAKING GOOD, oh my LORD. It's like this show was made just for me. :3 #
  • 02:49 - Okay, gonna try to sleep now. :) #
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  • 09:58 - Dear gyno: Cold rooms SUCK. Shivering in summer = incondusive to comfort! Read The Vagina Monologues. #
  • 14:29 - Poll-by-text-message on next hair dyeing: 6 votes to bring back pink & 3 votes to stay red. #
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